Building The Body Study 16 - Relationships in the Body

Ephesians 5:21 NIV 

[21] Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/111/eph.5.21.NIV)

We now come to one of the most controversial, and greatly misunderstood, verses of Scripture. 

The very first word of this sentence sets a lot of alarm bells ringing. 

Allow me to explain. 

When I was a child, you could sometimes see American-style wrestling on TV. It was contrived. It was scripted. It wasn’t really a sport. But for some people it was entertainment. 

When a stronger wrestler had their weaker opponent pinned to the mat, he would yell ‘Submit! Submit!’ 

And that shaped our understanding of the word. It was something weaker people did when they were bested and dominated by their stronger rivals. 

But that is not the correct Biblical understanding of the word. 

Let’s start then by looking at What it means to submit. 

What it means to submit 

Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV 

[5] Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; [6] in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. 

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/111/pro.3.5-6.NIV)

Anyone who has had any involvement at all with bureaucracy at any level will be used to the term ‘submit’. As all anyone in education. Or business. You complete a form or an application or an assignment. You then submit it for processing or for grading. Before it’s submitted, you are in control of it. You are responsible for it. You are accountable for it.  

Once that document is handed over, you are still accountable for its contents, but you no longer have any control over what happens to it. You have to wait and see what other people with it. 

That, in a sense, is a little of what we understand by the Biblical concept of submitting. 

The Greek word used here is the command an army officer would yell for his troops to fall into line and rank. It essentially means to surrender your personal autonomy, to surrender your sense of superiority, to surrender your authority, under another. It covers both the voluntary and involuntary handover of this authority. 

It covers when someone stronger than you forces you to submit.  

It also covers when you voluntarily submit. 

Now, us Westerners live in a highly individualistic culture. We like to believe that we each have personal autonomy and freedom. Anything that infringes on that is against our personal constitution. 

Yet, at the same time, we voluntarily surrender large parts of our lives to influencers and allow them to dictate what we think, feel, say and do. 

It came as no surprise that one of these most dangerous influencers was recently exposed by his own legal team as a grifter and a conman. Because essentially these influencers are all in it for personal, and almost always financial, gain. They do not ask you to surrender and submit to their influence to help you, but to help themselves. 

Submitting yourself to another is a key part of any religion, indeed, of life. Those who object to it have forgotten that they do exactly the same thing, just not to a Divine bring. They may do it to governments or intellectuals or bosses teachers or influencers or suchlike. The word ‘disciple’ may have gone out of fashion, but it’s almost impossible to find someone who has not submitted to another to be their disciple – or follower, if you will. 

There is also another aide to submission that makes it absolutely essential for us to have successful human relationships.  

Consider for a second a huge, long highway. As you join that highway from a smaller road, in the UK you will often see a triangular sign with the words ‘Give Way’ on it. That sign reminds you that you should give priority to traffic already on the highway before you try to join it. 

What happens if you don’t? 

What usually happens to people who live their lives by the maxim ‘It’s my way or the highway’: a car crash. 

That sign asks you to submit to oncoming traffic in order to join the busy highway safely. 

In human relationships, we have to be willing sometimes to stand back and give priority to others. We may be convinced that we should have our way. We may be sure that we are right. But in order to have successful relationships, we must be willing to compromise in areas where compromise can be made. 

We must be willing to submit. 

To do that, we should always be aware of three categories: 

• Areas in life where we can compromise easily – the ‘green light’ 

• Areas in life where compromise is possible, but challenging and costly – the ‘amber light’ 

• Areas in life where compromise is utterly impossible – the ‘red light’. 

You can see evidence in Scripture of Paul and the other leaders of the early church thinking like this. 

For example, the compromise reached in Acts 15:1-33 that permitted the Gentiles to be recognised as believers. 

Then there’s Paul’s striking teaching in Romans 14 on accepting those whose faith was less permissive than yours. 

It’s clear from these pretty big decisions on the life of the church that they were clear where they had room to flex, compromise and submit, and where they needed to be firm, uncompromising and stand their ground. 

We even see this in Ephesians, where one chapter later Paul tells the Ephesian an church to stand their ground four times in four verses (Ephesians 6:11-14). 

May God give us this wisdom to know when to comprise and when to stand our ground. 

So yes, we may seriously object to the use of the word ‘submit’ here. It may have connotations and subtexts in our mind that make us somewhat uneasy. 

But we have to admit that horse has already bolted from the stable. We have already submitted to someone else. We are already their follower. We are already their disciple. 

And that should come as no surprise at all. 

Because individualism has failed. It left us heartbroken and painfully alone. It drove us from companionship and love and support.  

We need to submit. We already have submitted. 

The key question is: ‘To whom?’ 

And that’s what we will explore now. 

To Whom Should We Submit 

Ephesians 5:21 NIV 

[21] Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/111/eph.5.21.NIV)

If we jump back to the clumsy illustration of the wrestling match, we are absolutely clear on the idea that the weak may have to submit to the strong. 

However, there is such a thing as ‘aggressive compliance’, where we submit to someone else’s hold over us in the hope that they will get in trouble. We comply, knowing that what we are doing is wrong, so that the one who ordered us to do it will get into problems, and then when the spotlight falls on us, we can simply say, ‘I was only following orders’. 

That isn’t true submission, as we will see later. 

When it comes to this concept, there are a whole bunch of people to whom we should submit. Most of us will have no problems with these – I would hope, anyway. 

There is God. 

Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV 

[5] Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; [6] in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. 

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/111/pro.3.5-6.NIV)

Of course we should submit to God. He is stronger. He is wiser. He has a perspective we will never have. And He loves us. 

What more do we want? 

But what does it truly mean to submit to God?

We saw earlier how submitting to someone means turning over your personal autonomy to them.  That is what it means to make Him your Lord, as Jesus taught: 

Matthew 7:21 NIV 

[21]  “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.  

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/111/mat.7.21.NIV)

Luke 6:46 NIV 

[46]  “Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say?  

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/111/luk.6.46.NIV)

Amd as Paul taught: 

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 NIV 

[19] Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; [20] you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. 

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/111/1co.6.19-20.NIV)

It isn’t enough to pay lip service to the concept. If we say God is our Lord, then He must be our Lord, in each and every area of our lives. 

Proverbs 3:6 NIV 

[6] in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. 

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/111/pro.3.6.NIV)

If we really, truly are Christians, then Christ has full authority over our lives and we are submitted to His rule. End of argument. 

The second entity to which we must submit is Government. 

Romans 13:1-2 NIV 

[1] Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. [2] Consequently, whoever rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves.  

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/111/rom.13.1-2.NIV)

Paul's argument is simple: God is Sovereign, He has delegated some power to our governments, we must therefore respect God’s decision and, by extension, respect them. 

Even when they take some pretty wild decisions that seem crazy. 

You have to remember: Paul was being persecuted by his own people’s religious authorities and the Romans at the time. He was, without any shadow of a doubt, teaching his fellow Christians to submit to and respect those same authorities. 

He even told them they should pay taxes to those authorities (Romans 13:7). Peter, who was also being persecuted, agreed (1 Peter 2:13-17). 

Submitting to government is something all Christians should do, regardless of political affiliation or otherwise, not just because it’s the law, but because we are Christians. 

And I know many of us live in democracies where we have the option to vote our governments out of power every so often. Since our governments gave us the privilege of sufferage we ought to take it. I also see no obligement here to always vote for the administration. We are free to vote for whoever we choose, provided we take responsibility for how we used that vote before God. 

But once a government is in place, we should submit to them. 

We should also submit to our Boss. 

We’ll get into this in a whole study on how the concept of submission plays out in the workplace. Let’s say for now that our attitude towards our work and the people who supervise us as we do it speaks volumes about our walk with God, as Paul also explained to the Colossians: 

Colossians 3:22-25 NIV 

[22] Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to curry their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. [23] Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, [24] since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. [25] Anyone who does wrong will be repaid for their wrongs, and there is no favoritism.

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/111/col.3.22-25.NIV)

Submission in this case meant that slave masters (who were not necessarily what we imagine through our knowledge of the extraordinarily unjust Atlantic slave trade) received the respect they were due. Christian slaves, through their honest work ethic were proving the teachings of the Word of God and living them out in circumstances that were at best unfavourable, at worse downright dangerous. 

If they could do it in their places of work, so can we. 

We also see that we should submit to our Pastors and Elders: 

1 Timothy 5:17 NIV 

[17] The elders who direct the affairs of the church well are worthy of double honor, especially those whose work is preaching and teaching.  

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/111/1ti.5.17.NIV)

This is not to say that churches should be dictatorships. That can never be the case. Every pastor and elder should be part of an accountability structure for their own good and the good of the church. It’s right and good that ordinary church members have a say in what happens in their own community.  

However, pastors and elders should always have the casting vote, particularly on spiritual matters. And when decisions are taken, the congregation should respect them. 

They are also worthy of our respect and our care. Their job is very challenging. The pressures they face are enormous. If we are honest, we would probably think twice about doing their job. 

Now we move in controversial waters. 

Next we see that we should submit to our Parents. 

Colossians 3:20 NIV 

[20] Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/111/col.3.20.NIV)

We will see this in greater detail as we explore the role of submittal in family relationships.

As both a parent and a child, I can say that parents are granted the blessing of a child to take care of. This blessing also comes with an enormous responsibility. Preparing a child to function as an adult in an ever-changing world and being someone on whom they can rely for help and advice is no easy task. 

All parents are teachers as part of their role. They lead by word and example. Look what James said about teachers: 

James 3:1 NIV 

[1] Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly.  

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/111/jas.3.1.NIV)

This is all too true. When children are small, they look up to and admire their parents. As they grow and their knowledge of the world expands, they go through the trauma of realising that their parents are maybe not as great as they thought. Friction develops as these children begin to assert their personality and gradually work their way out of the family nest. 

Yet in all of this, no matter how good or how bad their opinion of their parents is, since the Law was given on Mount Sinai, all children are commanded to respect, honour and submit to their parents. 

Now, in no way does this legitimise or excuse abuse. Let me get that straight. Parents are also commanded not to embitter their children (Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21). As we will see in our next section, two commandments underpin these directives that expose abusive relationships for the sinful horror that they are. 

The most controversial of all is the last category of people to which we must submit: our Husbands. 

Colossians 3:18 NIV 

[18] Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/111/col.3.18.NIV)

This should not be controversial at all.  

Allow me to explain (as much as I can without spoiling a future study). 

In each of the roles we have looked at, the person in them is exposed to unique stresses and pressures that others are not: rulers and governments, managers, pastors, parents.

Their situation is different and is worthy of respect. 

Husbands are no different. 

There is a unique pressure in the traditional husband role. You are the provider. You are the protector. You are the spiritual head of the family. Although mothers care deeply for the well-being of everyone in the family, it’s the father’s role to ensure that the best environment is created for this to happen. 

You don’t feel this pressure on your wedding day. You’re too busy celebrating. 

It comes afterwards. 

And for some men, the pressure and expectations are too much. 

It’s not for everyone. 

Paul has a very specific reason why he told wives to submit here but gave a different command to husbands. He wasn’t being sexist or misogynistic. But as we will explore this in detail in a later study, I’ll keep my powder dry here. 

Suffice to say that the roles of men and women in a marriage are profoundly different. If we try to exchange them or undermine them, we are not living in a marriage as God intended it. He is the One who designed it. No matter what we think of that design, it is good because He is good. 

However, there is a twist. 

We have explored these roles in society and noticed how we should submit to them. Paul clearly taught that, but he also taught something else – something for which his critics so not give him enough credit. Let’s read the verse again carefully: 

Ephesians 5:21 NIV 

[21] Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/111/eph.5.21.NIV)

Do you see it? Paul did not have it in mind to destroy the hierarchies and order on which society is built. Neither did he have in mind to rigorously enforce that hierarchy. 

Instead, he taught that we should submit to each other. 

What does this mean? 

Let’s look at our roles. 

Governments often submit to the electorate that they govern. Periodically they hold elections. Sometimes they consult the public on various subjects. They submit to the will of the people even if they don’t like it or appreciate it. 

Bosses, if they are wise, will subject themselves to out front-line knowledge, experience and expertise of the job we do and listen to us when there are issues or proposals for improvements. 

Pastors – good ones at least – will pastor their churches through consensus and delegation. They will listen to wise people in the congregation. They will empower church members to take decisions about their own ministries. They will listen carefully to the advice of people who are experts in fields where they are not. They will lead with humility. 

Parents will increasingly listen to their children as they get older, allowing them to take decisions about their own lives and taking on board their advice when it comes to areas where they have greater knowledge and expertise. 

Husbands, if they want a happy wife, and therefore a happy life, will be willing to acquiesce and submit to their wife’s preferences and tastes, and will listen to her when it comes to things are important to her. 

All this tells us a very important truth. If we think for one second that our life is our own and we can do with it what we please then we are fools. That has never and will never be true. 

The reality is that we all must learn to limit our ego and submit to others in order to have good, strong, rewarding, reciprocal relationships with others. It should come as no surprise to us at all that those who don’t have people around who are willing to put the brakes on and move them in a better direction are utterly miserable and alone. Of course they are! None of their most important relationships are real. 

We might not like the idea of submitting. It might bruise our ego and wound our pride.

But without it we are utterly alone. 

And that leads us to the third question we should ask ourselves: Why Should We Submit? 

Why Should We Submit? 

Matthew 22:37-40 NIV 

[37] Jesus replied: “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ [38] This is the first and greatest commandment. [39] And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ [40] All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” 

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/111/mat.22.37-40.NIV)

In a previous job, I was asked to help out another team in my department by suggesting improvements to some of their processes. It’s harder than you might think. You can’t just find out what the other team does, but also why they do it. 

And that is often where the mystery lies. There are plenty of people who are only interested in turning up, picking up a paycheck and going home. They don’t want to think while they are at work. It’s as of they aren’t aid enough to do that. So if you ask them why they do something, they simply point to instructions they received from their boss, or reply ‘Because that’s the way it’s always been done’. 

It’s astonishing how inefficient a team can become if they don’t ask ‘Why?’. 

When did you last hear that question asked in a church? I’ve been in churches where asking that question was almost treated as an act of blasphemy. 

Even now, as we have explored this very tricky subject, you might be wondering why it is that you should submit to anyone. Like me and my first impressions of this concept, you imagine that it’s something the strong impose on the weak and use to shame, belittle and degrade them. 

So submitting is the last thing on your mind. 

Because of this, you find yourself stumbling from conflict to conflict, from argument to argument, from fall-out to fall-out.  

And it’s never your fault. You are never responsible. 

Your circle of friends is shrinking faster than a week-old birthday balloon, but you’ve not done anything wrong. 

You told them it was your way or the highway and they hit the road. It’s their choice. It’s their loss. 

Allow me to give you an alternative outlook. 

Christians should be willing to submit for one reason and one reason only: 

Love. 

Because Jesus told us that the commandments that undergird every other commandment is the commandment to love, and that includes this commandment to submit. 

What the Bible teaches is that we don’t submit to someone because of who they are or what they do or what they own, but because we love them. 

Look at what Paul taught elsewhere: 

Philippians 2:3-5 NIV 

[3] Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, [4] not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. [5] In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: 

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/111/php.2.3-5.NIV)

The only submission that works is not when we are cowed or forced or wrestled into it, but when we see ourselves as equals before God and voluntarily submit out of love. No other submission is acceptable. 

The very essence of true agape love requires us to put the interests and well-bring of others first – not to detriment of our own as we are still commanded to love ourselves – but at least equal to our own. We subordinate ourselves when needed out of a desire to see others raised up out of love for them, not what we will get out of it. 

This means that submitting because we are seeking to gain from it is not true submission.

We are not submitting to the interests of others, we are pursuing our own. 

Neither is ‘aggressive compliance’, where we deliberately submit to the rule and interests of another knowing that they are misguided in the hope that it all goes badly wrong. Again, our interests are not subordinate: they are our own. 

Our real example of this, if we are genuine followers of Jesus Christ, is Jesus Christ. He submitted Himself to human rulers He knew to be unjust, capricious and cruel with the sole purpose of saving them, and us, from our sins, and He did so out of love for us. 

This is a hard teaching. I know that full well. It bruises our ego and bashes our pride. 

The question is: are you truly willing to follow Jesus? 

Conclusion 

Ephesians 5:21 NIV 

[21] Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/111/eph.5.21.NIV)

In my line of work, a lot of painstaking effort goes into something called Requirements Documents. These contain when the customer will want to see in their new system. If they are clear, then the engineers building it will know what they should build and will be happy with the results. If they are unclear or there is any misunderstanding, the customer could end up spending money (and sometimes a lot of it) on something they can’t use and don’t need. 

This verse is something we are required to do. It’s clear and uncompromising – there are no shades of grey. 

But that doesn’t mean it hasn’t been misunderstood. 

To a degree, I can see why. There are many people who had to fight for many years for emancipation or for their identity to be established and recognised. For them, the very notion of submitting is offensive. 

And I get it. I really do. 

But what we forget is that this is a clear commandment from a man who was in prison and part of a new group that was just starting to establish itself, yet he said we should submit. 

In case you think this is just a ‘Paul thing’, look at this from Jesus Christ Himself: 

Matthew 5:38-42 NIV 

[38]  “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ [39] But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. [40] And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. [41] If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. [42] Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you. 

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/111/mat.5.38-42.NIV)

Do you see what Jesus said here? These people were oppressing the Jews. Yet Jesus’ command was not only to avoid vengeance, not only to do what they asked, but to exceed it out of love. He commanded us to extend this love out of hospitality towards a foreign conscripted soldier who was likely there because he had been captured or was repaying a debt and was only following orders because he had no option. The command was to overcome their hatred with love. 

The fact that they were part of a pagan army out to suppress and persecute them was not part of the equation. 

It is true that this command can be heartlesly abused by people who don’t love and have forgotten what it means to be human. That is true. But I want you to read this verse:

Colossians 3:25 NIV 

[25] Anyone who does wrong will be repaid for their wrongs, and there is no favoritism. 

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/111/col.3.25.NIV)

God sees. God knows. God is just. These people will not get away with it. We can be sure of that. 

Our part is simply to obey. 

We've answered some big questions about this little sentence: What is submission? To whom should I submit? Why should I submit? 

The conclusions we have reached is that submission is part of how we relate to other human beings, both outside and especially inside the church. While it might injure our pride, bruise our ego, and give us a lot of food for thought on how we express our shared culture and history, at the end of it all, we submit because we love God, we love our neighbour and we love ourselves. 

There is no higher motivation than that. 

Prayer 

Lord Jesus, I naturally struggle with this idea of submitting to others, especially to those I don’t believe deserve it. Help me to do so not because they deserve it, but out of love for You, them and myself. Show me what it means to care about their interests and well-being and to submit because of this. Amen. 

Questions for Contemplation  

• What does it mean to submit to aomeone? Put it into your own words. 

• To whom should we submt? Is there anyone you struggle to submit to? Why? 

• Why should you submit? To what extent should you submit? How does the traffic light system help with this?