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The Love Principle - Study 19: You and Relationships

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  • 26 min read

Ephesians 6:1-9 NIVUK 

[1] Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. [2] ‘Honour your father and mother’ – which is the first commandment with a promise – [3] ‘so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’ [4] Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. [5] Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ. [6] Obey them not only to win their favour when their eye is on you, but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart. [7] Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people, [8] because you know that the Lord will reward each one for whatever good they do, whether they are slave or free. [9] And masters, treat your slaves in the same way. Do not threaten them, since you know that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no favouritism with him. 

I’m sure if you have ever seen a circus or acrobatic performance, or the quite wonderful film Madagascar 4, you will be aware of tightrope walking. Brave people climb up poles until they are high above the ground and then walk across a rope, thinner than their feet, performing stunning tricks while they do so. 


It can be a quite astonishing thing to see. 


Life can often feel like you are walking a tightrope: when you are struggling to keep your balance in the stresses and strains of life. Often you can feel that balance shaking and the rope quivering. It feels like either it or you might give way at any moment. 


Those are the times when a safety net helps. Tightrope walkers often use them, at least while training, to avoid serious injury or death. There is no shame in needing it when you are falling. The main thing is that it’s there to catch you and put you back on your feet again. 


Our relationships with other people can be like that safety net. 


Yes, Jesus Christ saved us for all eternity. There is no doubt about that. But He also sends other people in our lives to support us when we have fallen off that rope, so we can do the same. 


In fact, this idea of reciprocity is actually written in the Word of God: 


2 Corinthians 8:13-14 NIVUK 

[13] Our desire is not that others might be relieved while you are hard pressed, but that there might be equality. [14] At the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need. The goal is equality.

1 Corinthians 12:26 NIVUK 

[26] If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honoured, every part rejoices with it. 

Real Biblical Christianity sees the lie behind notions of being ‘self-made’ or ‘self-sufficient’. These are fundamentally deceptive. We cannot even bring ourselves into existence or put breath into our own lungs or know the date and time of our own demise. 


How, then, can we be self-made? How can we be self-sufficient? 


Part of the joy of truly living in a community is co-dependency. If we don’t support one another, then our community is fake. 


But I have to admit that I seriously misunderstood the value of this, for many years.

 

Until the Covid pandemic struck. Then I understood just how vitally important this is. 


We were made to live together in a community. We cannot function properly at all. That community forms a safety net for when we need it. And when we don’t, we are part of the safety net for others.  


It’s part of what makes us human. 


The church is the community God has made for us as Christians.  


But there are many other communities that we are part of where we can offer reciprocal help to those who need it. 


However, I feel I need to state something clearly here. This community is supposed to be with human beings. Human beings are messy and don’t always get things right and make mistakes and open their mouths and instantly regret it. So yes, if we are in a community with other human beings, sooner or later things won’t go the way we want.  


But since we are equally as prone to being messy and make mistakes and open our mouths and instantly regret it, we ought to be more understanding when other people are like that. 


This community was never intended to be with a robot or an AI chatbot. While these are astonishing technological creations and absolute marvels, they cannot replace human community. They are safer. They are easier. They are way less messy. 


But they are not and can never be human. And so as Christians, we have to seek fellowship and community with other human beings, not with clever pieces of computer code. 


We are called to love the Lord with all we have and our neighbours as ourselves. Those neighbours are people, not technology. No matter how messy and demanding and disconcerting and risky and hurtful it is, we must love our all-too-human neighbours as ourselves. 


Where there are issues or reservations or crises of trust and tension, it isn’t the Christian thing to run away from them. We must deal with them – and lovingly – and resolve them as soon as we can. 


We call this ‘keeping short accounts’. 


There are four areas of our lives where this love is also an act of self-love and self-care. We will explore them each in turn.  


But before we go any further, we need to understand a few of the rules for dealing with all four relationships. The first of these is The Peace Rule. 


Romans 12:17-18 NIVUK 

[17] Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. [18] If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.  

That is, as Christians we do not seek or provoke conflict or unrest. We seek peace. We seek harmony. We seek agreement (1 Corinthians 1:10; 2 Corinthians 13:11;  Ephesians 4:3). We do our best to both obtain it and keep it.  


We’re not afraid of confrontation, we just don’t see it as a positive thing. 


That also leads to the second rule: The Acceptance Rule. 


Romans 15:5-7 NIVUK 

[5] May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind towards each other that Christ Jesus had, [6] so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. [7] Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.  

Within each of these four relationship areas, we must accept people as they are, without expecting them to be someone else.  


Why should we do that? 


Because that is how God treated us. 


We also have The Reciprocation Rule. 


Matthew 7:12 NIVUK 

[12] So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. 

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/113/mat.7.12.NIVUK)


Treat others as you would like to be treated. Don’t use your treatment of them to achieve an outcome. Don’t bully. Don’t tease. Don’t force. 


Ask yourself how you would like to be treated in their situation and then do it. 


This then leads to The Submission Rule. 


Ephesians 5:21 NIVUK 

[21] Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/113/eph.5.21.NIVUK)


This doesn’t mean that we all give in to each other to the point that nobody wants to go first, until the point where it becomes comical and farcical. 


No, what it means is that we stop trying to always have our way or do our thing. We are prepared to surrender to others in issues that are not of major importance. 


Paul later described it as this: 


Philippians 2:3-4 NIVUK 

[3] Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, [4] not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. 

So on issues of lesser importance, we are willing to lose and be wrong. 


Of course that rubs against our pride. That’s kind of the point. 


But on minor, debatable issues, where the Bible doesn’t specify a solution, we have to be willing to give way to others for the sake of peace and our community. 


We don’t seek to rip up the safety net over issues they are just not worth it. 


There are four areas where these rules apply. I have to tell you, this will not be easy. 


The first of these is Our Family. 

 

Our Family 

Ephesians 5:21-33 NIVUK 

[21] Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. [22] Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. [23] For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. [24] Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. [25] Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her [26] to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, [27] and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. [28] In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. [29] After all, no-one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church – [30] for we are members of his body. [31] ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ [32] This is a profound mystery – but I am talking about Christ and the church. [33] However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. 

Ephesians 6:1-4 NIVUK 

[1] Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. [2] ‘Honour your father and mother’ – which is the first commandment with a promise – [3] ‘so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’ [4] Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. 

I would like you to imagine what it would feel like if you were a dietician and you knew that certain foods and drinks were healthy, but others were not. You tried to put this information out to the public, but you were shouted down by those who want to poison themselves and have a good time doing it. 


That is where we are with family values. 


Families are the bedrock of society. They are the foundation on which a healthy society is built. Strengthen and support families and the whole community becomes stronger. 

Being an active part of a family involves responsibility, accountability, adaptability, patience.  


Yet so many in our society have cast it aside for the quick and easy fix of other ways of life. 


It’s as if someone introduced termites to the foundation of their own wooden house because they had a fascination with insects. 


Societies that neglect the family in favour of less demanding models are signing their death warrant and giving themselves the lethal injection. 


And yet any reasonable person knows that families are not perfect. Ultimately, no basic model for society can ever be perfect because society is constructed out of flawed human beings. Every family will always be a little dysfunctional, because every human being is a little dysfunctional. 


That’s just how fallen life is. 


But family life, however imperfect, at its best, will always be way better than any other alternative. 


Before we get into this in any way, we need to be aware that we have different roles to play in a family. 


Two dynamics are discussed in these verses – one of which is so critical that it made it into the Ten Commandments. 


The first of these is the Husband-Wife Dynamic. 


To understand the full impact of this teaching, we must first to back to the fist curses spoken in all creation – those after The Fall. 


Genesis 3:16 NIVUK 

[16] To the woman he said, ‘I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labour you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.’ 

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/113/gen.3.16.NIVUK)


What we see here is the so-called Battle of the Sexes, or the Gender War, between male and  female. We see the woman seeking to manipulate and control the man, thereby usurping his God-given role as spiritual leader of the household, and the man dominating over the woman in reprisal. 


This isn’t healthy. This isn’t right. It only results in bitter disappointment and pain. 


This is categorically not what marriage should look like. Not at all. No matter how modern misogynist influencers would have us believe it.  


So if your marriage resembles a battle field where both sides face off against each other to gain supremacy, or both sides come into marriage in a transactional arrangement to get what they want and become frustrated if they don’t get it, then you need to stop and think fast. 


This isn’t God’s way. 


God’s way is love. It’s for loving submission. It’s for both sides to honour and care for each other. 


And that requires sacrifices on both sides.


Primarily, it requires the sacrifice of autonomy; of thinking of yourself as a single person who can do whatever they like, when they like, how they like. The two have become one. They need to act like it. 


Men here are commanded to sacrifice their desires to be the boss man, to be the one on top, but instead to love and serve their wife, seeking her interests above their own and giving themselves for her. 


Women are commanded to sacrifice their desires to boss and manipulate their husband until they are in charge, and instead honour and respect the unique role their husband has been given, not coveting it for themselves. 


This isn’t old fashioned or ‘trad’. Paul was not seeking to bring either husband or wife under control or to belittle them. 


No, he was seeking to repair the damage caused by The Fall to one of the most fundamental relationships of all. 


The second dynamic is the Parent-Child Dynamic. 


Ephesians 6:1-4 NIVUK 

[1] Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. [2] ‘Honour your father and mother’ – which is the first commandment with a promise – [3] ‘so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’ [4] Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. 

It’s here where we tread on territory first trampled by the Ten Commandments, which Paul quotes. 


Paul picked up one aspect of this dynamic that we should explore further: it is good for us to give our parents their place in our lives; it is good for us to honour them; it is good for us to obey them. 


This command broke the mould. It is the first of the Ten Commandments where God told the Israelites that it would go well for them in the Promised Land if they did this.  


And that isn’t just by miraculous rewards. No, it’s a natural outflow of not having tension and opposition at the heart of the most important, most foundational relationships we have. 


So how, then, do we explain this? 


Matthew 10:34-36 NIVUK 

[34]  ‘Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. [35] For I have come to turn ‘ “a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law – [36]  a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.” 

Jesus quoted from the prophet Micah, who prophesied around the late 8th century BC about the Exile that Israel and Judah would face if they continued with their disobedience.


This is more from his prophecy: 


Micah 7:5-7 NIVUK 

[5] Do not trust a neighbour; put no confidence in a friend. Even with the woman who lies in your embrace guard the words of your lips. [6] For a son dishonours his father, a daughter rises up against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law – a man’s enemies are the members of his own household. [7] But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Saviour; my God will hear me. 

When Jesus used these words, He was talking about what would happen when a member of a household would believe in Him and at least one other would not. Anyone who has lived through a time of persecution would know this to be true, and would have seen it fulfilled in front of them. 


The point is that division occurred in these households because of the Gospel, not because of any other issue. Not because we were ‘right’ and our parents were ‘wrong’. Not because of changes in political affiliation. Not because of behaviours or attitudes or habits. 


Because of the Gospel. Nothing else. 


In every matter other than their walk with God, every child is commanded to love, honour and obey their parents, without exception.  


And it is good for us if we do this. 


Our family relationships should not be the place where we compete for supremacy, power or even small victories. Evicting people from their rightful role in the family cannot ever be our intention. Doing this will only ever cause harm, both to the person we have evicted and to ourselves. 


This is something we must get right. Too much depends on it. 


So this command leads us to a far bigger application that should change the dynamics in our families. 


But it doesn’t stop there. The principle also extends to Our Workplace. 

 

Our Workplace 

Ephesians 6:5-9 NIVUK 

[5] Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ. [6] Obey them not only to win their favour when their eye is on you, but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart. [7] Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people, [8] because you know that the Lord will reward each one for whatever good they do, whether they are slave or free. [9] And masters, treat your slaves in the same way. Do not threaten them, since you know that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no favouritism with him. 

I can say that I have experienced many different kinds of bosses. One, who was a bit aloof and indifferent, was sacked for corruption. Another was so laid back that he was almost horizontal. Another was so uptight that you wondered each day if he would have a heart attack. 


My current boss is a big science fiction fan who attends business calls with shelves full of memorabilia and an actual sized model K9 robot dog from Doctor Who behind him. 


However, regardless of who our bosses are and what they have done, there is one standard that Paul teaches we have to follow. With our parents, we have to commit to respecting, obeying and, yes, loving, people who are not perfect and who make mistakes. 


With our bosses, it’s no different. 


Now, this passage attracts huge questions from our modern readers. They, quite rightly, point out that slavery is a stain on humanity and one of our most vile and heinous crimes. 


As a white man who was born into a city that directly benefited from the Transatlantic slave trade, and which still has streets that bear names associated with it, I agree unreservedly. 


In Paul’s day, there were slaves who were treated equally as badly. And that was absolutely wrong. 


However, there were many millions who weren’t. Historians reckon that during his era, around a third of every human being alive was in some form of slavery.  


That is absolutely astonishing. 


Some were poor and mistreated. Others were treated very well and permitted to even gain great wealth, power and position for themselves. The only difference between them and free men was that they were not free. They had no agency. They had no right to decide. 


Paul here does not comment on slavery as much as we, two thousand years or so later, would have liked. Slavery was an accepted feature of life in his day, whether we like it or not.


It would be wrong to judge his culture against our sensibilities. Times have changed a lot. 


While slaves then were enslaved either because of poverty or debt or lost battles, we find ourselves instead contractually obliged to provide a service to the companies or the organisations for whom we work. We are not enslaved, no matter how we might feel about the work we do. 


But the work ethic and approach enshrined in these verses is something we can apply to our situation. It describes how the love we are commanded to show to our neighbours should be demonstrated in our workplace. 


Paul taught that we should treat our bosses with respect, and, yes, a degree of reverence, working for them enthusiastically, wholeheartedly and with integrity. 


He echoes this in Colossians: 


Colossians 3:22-25 NIVUK 

[22] Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to curry their favour, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. [23] Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, [24] since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. [25] Anyone who does wrong will be repaid for their wrongs, and there is no favouritism. 

Now, this is actually interesting. Nowhere here does Paul say that we should attempt to undermine or overthrow them if they are unjust. In fact, Peter taught this: 


1 Peter 2:18-20 NIVUK 

[18] Slaves, in reverent fear of God submit yourselves to your masters, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh. [19] For it is commendable if someone bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because they are conscious of God. [20] But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God.  

Now, what we have to remember is that because these people were slaves, they had zero rights under Roman Law. It would be useless for them to protest their situation, because the Romans considered them to be pretty much a ‘non-person’.  


Jewish law, however, conferred some rights on them. They were allowed to marry and have children, and Jewish slaves in particular could be freed after six years of labour (Exodus 21:1-6; Deuteronomy 15:12-18). A slave could also go free if their master ill-treated them in certain ways (Exodus 21:26-27). 


If a slave escaped under Roman Law, there was nowhere for them to go. Citizens were obliged by law to hand them over. They would face severe punishment, including branding, corporal punishment or even death. 


Under Jewish law, however, citizens were instructed to provide them with shelter and to treat them compassionately (Deuteronomy 23:15-16). 


To our modern ears, these laws might not seem to be very progressive, but they were thousands of years ahead of Roman Law, even if Roman Law came thousands of years later.


The point is that in Paul’s day, slaves had even less recourse to justice than they did under Jewish law. There really was no escape for them from unjust masters. Paul could not encourage them to escape, because that would expose them to greater danger. 


So he did the right thing by telling them to bear up under their troubles and to seek to change their situation by being subversibly good. As did Peter. 


In our day, in many situations, we have plenty of legal recourses to take if a manager is badly unjust. It isn’t disrespectful if we use them. 


It is disrespectful if we don’t use them and avenge ourselves at work. That is never justified. 


But, and this is important, there is also a responsibility within this dynamic for bosses to treat us workers justly: 


Ephesians 6:9 NIVUK 

[9] And masters, treat your slaves in the same way. Do not threaten them, since you know that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no favouritism with him. 

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/113/eph.6.9.NIVUK)


It was not acceptable for a Christian slave master to behave unjustly and uncompassionately towards their slaves. It isn’t acceptable for a Christian boss to do it either. 


Neither our money nor our position impress God one bit. What He looks for in us is our heart (1 Samuel 16:7). That heart shows in our attitudes and our actions towards those who, at least as far as this world is concerned, are lower down the food chain than us. 


It is impossible to both love someone and abuse them. 


It is impossible to love someone and take advantage of them. 


It is impossible to love someone and underpay them, or make them rely on tips or bonuses to survive. 


The people who ought to be at the forefront of demands for fair rights for workers ought not to be the trade unionists or the communists. It ought to be the Christians. 


And it ought to be the Christian bosses in particular. 


The challenge of loving God, our neighbour and ourselves begins in the family because it must begin there. It then extends to our workplaces, because it must. 


But then it moves on to an even more challenging location: Our Government. 

 

Our Government 

Romans 13:1-10 NIVUK 

[1] Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. [2] Consequently, whoever rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. [3] For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and you will be commended. [4] For the one in authority is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for rulers do not bear the sword for no reason. They are God’s servants, agents of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer. [5] Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also as a matter of conscience. [6] This is also why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God’s servants, who give their full time to governing. [7] Give to everyone what you owe them: if you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honour, then honour. [8] Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law. [9] The commandments, ‘You shall not commit adultery,’ ‘You shall not murder,’ ‘You shall not steal,’ ‘You shall not covet,’ and whatever other command there may be, are summed up in this one command: ‘Love your neighbour as yourself.’ [10] Love does no harm to a neighbour. Therefore love is the fulfilment of the law. 

1 Peter 2:13-17 NIVUK 

[13] Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human authority: whether to the emperor, as the supreme authority, [14] or to governors, who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right. [15] For it is God’s will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish people. [16] Live as free people, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as God’s slaves. [17] Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, honour the emperor. 

Right now, as I write these lines, a war very few people wanted is happening in the Arab Gulf. The only people who actually wanted it are not fighting it. People are losing their lives for a cause in which they do not believe. 


On one side is a dictatorship: where a group of elders put in place a man the people do not choose and do not want. 


On the other side are democracies, where people voted for someone but do not want the man they have. 


And so two unwanted men send people who do not choose their war to a death they do not want. 


In the process, they impoverish a world that wants no part in their folly. 


That is how our governments are. 


But we are commanded to respect them and give them their place, and our tax money, even if that tax money is being used to form contrails from the back of a fighter jet, or to blow up innocent people, or fired as bullets at those who had no fight with us. 


We should still pay our taxes nevertheless. 


Because our responsibility as Christians is to obey and give them their place as leaders; their responsibility is to lead.  


Real Biblical Christians are never usurpers or revolutionaries. Real Biblical Christians do not plan to undermine or overthrow. That is not, has never been and will never be part of our calling. 


We are to love, not to rebel. 


This might cause us questions, and not a few problems. However, both letters written by Paul and Peter were penned during Roman rule and the time of Nero. At least when Peul wrote these lines, Nero had not yet launched his vicious persecution of Christians, but persecution still existed. Peter, though, is thought to have written his letter while being persecuted by Nero’s men. 


There is no government in the world that could possibly match the sheer ferocity and wickedness of Emperor Nero. When both of these men state that we should give our rulers their place, they leave us without excuse. 


Titus also added this: 


Titus 3:1-2 NIVUK 

[1] Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, [2] to slander no-one, to be peaceable and considerate, and always to be gentle towards everyone. 

King Solomon even wrote these lines: 


Ecclesiastes 10:20 NIVUK 

[20] Do not revile the king even in your thoughts, or curse the rich in your bedroom, because a bird in the sky may carry your words, and a bird on the wing may report what you say. 

Even when civil disobedience is necessary to retain freedom of conscience, it must be done honourably, peacefully and respectfully. 


This isn’t an easy command to obey. We are prone to be highly judgemental of our leaders, especially when their decisions adversely affect us. However, earlier in this study we saw how God’s command causes us to show respect for our parents and our bosses, whether or not they measure up to it. 


The same principle applies here. 


 We have seen how the love principle extends to our family, our workplaces and the government. Our last area shows us why this is, as we are also called to respect Our God. 

 

Our God 

Ephesians 5:21 NIVUK 

[21] Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/113/eph.5.21.NIVUK)


Some of the teaching we have looked at in this study is very challenging. It rubs against how we think things should go. We read what the Bible says and then we yell in reply, ‘I’ll respect them when they are worthy of my respect, and not before!’ 


But that is nothing more than arrogant, immature petulance. 


Think about it: who determines whether or not someone is worthy of our respect? Is it not us? 


And what criteria do we use to decide when someone is worthy of our respect? Is it not when they do something we like? 


So effectively we are saying that someone is worthy of respect when they bend to our will. 


That cannot be right. 


Paul told us why we should do it.  


We do it not because they are worthy, but because Christ is worthy.  


We fall into line and treat people with the respect they should receive as worthy of their role not because we fear their opinion, but because we fear Christ’s opinion.  


As Paul said elsewhere: 


Galatians 1:10 NIVUK 

[10] Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. 

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/113/gal.1.10.NIVUK)


2 Corinthians 5:9-10 NIVUK 

[9] So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. [10] For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due to us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad. 

And again, from Peter: 


1 Peter 2:13-17 NIVUK 

[13] Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human authority: whether to the emperor, as the supreme authority, [14] or to governors, who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right. [15] For it is God’s will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish people. [16] Live as free people, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as God’s slaves. [17] Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, honour the emperor. 

Time and time again in Scripture, we are commanded to respect people who are not worthy of our respect: who are far from perfect and clearly display that lack every day. If we were motivated by their abilities, or even their competence, we would struggle to show them this respect. 


But the reason why we should respect, and even show agape love to them is not because of who they are or what they can do for us, but who God is and what He can do for us.


Submitting to them is not a sign of what we think of them, it is actually an act of worship to God. 


So the question has to be asked: are you willing to do this? 

 

Conclusion  

Exodus 20:12 NIVUK 

[12] Honour your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you. 

A Boeing 787 jet belonging to Air India was seven hours into a flight from Delhi to Manchester when it was forced to turn back. It had avoided the current war in the Arab Gulf and was over Ethiopia, but could not proceed due to airspace restrictions and so turned back to where it came from. The passengers on board effectively endured a fourteen hour flight to nowhere. 


Maybe this study might seem like that way. After all, we have been on a long journey, and have just arrived back at the one command that triggered the journey in the first place. 


But that is rather the point. To avoid unnecessary conflict in our lives, we must return to the basic principle of submitting to those the Lord has placed over us and giving them their place. It isn’t an easy thing to do, especially when their frail and failing humanity is on display. But God raised them to their position for His purposes (see Exodus 9:16; Isaiah 44:23-28, 45:13 for examples). No matter how corrupt or vile or pagan they are, if we fight against them we are fighting against God’s purposes.  


That doesn’t mean that we understand what those purposes are. We might not. Or that we entirely agree with them. We might not. But God is God and God is good. He is always working His purposes out and nothing can oppose Him. We can be confident of that. 


Which brings us to something I asserted back at the start of this study: that submission to those God has appointed over us is good for us. We might disagree, but look carefully at the Scriptures: 


Exodus 20:12 NIVUK 

[12] Honour your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you. 

Ephesians 6:1-3 NIVUK 

[1] Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. [2] ‘Honour your father and mother’ – which is the first commandment with a promise – [3] ‘so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’ 

This is not just true in family relationships: 


Ephesians 6:5-8 NIVUK 

[5] Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ. [6] Obey them not only to win their favour when their eye is on you, but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart. [7] Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people, [8] because you know that the Lord will reward each one for whatever good they do, whether they are slave or free. 

We also see this, where Paul even tells us to pray for our rulers: 


1 Timothy 2:1-4 NIVUK 

[1] I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people – [2] for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. [3] This is good, and pleases God our Saviour, [4] who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.  

This is precisely the point. Even if it is our job to provide checks and balances in a democratic society (i.e. a member of an opposition party or working in the media) we must still do our job respectfully. If we are not, then as Christians we cannot be involved in seeking to usurp or overthrow a democratically elected government. 


We also cannot participate in tax dodging, no matter how principled it may be. 


Neither can we participate in protests or strikes designed to slow the processes of government. 


Because we have reverence for God, we must give those He has placed over us their place.


We don’t need to agree with everything they do. We don’t need to be their most ardent supporters. But we must agree that they have the right before God to do what they do. 


We will avoid so many disruptive and unnecessary battles if we simply obey this commandment. 

 

Prayer  

Lord Jesus, what You are commanding me to do here is not at all easy. Help me to respect my parents, my bosses and my government, not because I fear them, but because I revere You. Help me to show them what true obedience to You looks like. Amen. 

 

Questions for Contemplation  

  • When either your parents, your boss or your government take a decision you disagree with, how do you react? According to this study, how should you react? 

  • Which of those three groups do you find the hardest to submit to, and why? 

  • What will you do differently after this study? 

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