The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? ‘I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward each person according to their conduct, according to what their deeds deserve.’
Jeremiah 17:9-10 NIVUK
The second thing I wished I’d known seems to be out of place. Knowing yourself is something that has been connected to weird, esoteric New Age thinking.
But it isn’t just useless naval-gazing. It has an important purpose.
And that purpose is to grow.
Let me give you a good example.
I remember one day, when she was very small, I heard my daughter crying. So my wife and I ran into the room, thinking maybe she had hurt herself.
‘Why are you crying?’ we asked her.
‘I don’t know!’ was the pained reply.
Knowing yourself is not about going on some strange pilgrimage, or about sitting in a really uncomfortable position while inhaling large amounts of incense smoke. That’s not it at all.
It’s about knowing why we laugh, why we cry, why we get angry, why we become sad, what makes us happy. It’s about understanding the moments when we’ve had too much and lose control; what motivates us to better; what de-motivates us.
All information that is critically important in any kind of relationship. If we rush into a relationship we want to be long term without understanding what triggers our emotional outbursts, then it’s all too easy for us to completely wreck it before it even starts.
Let me give you an example. I lived in a household where squabbles between teenage siblings were frequent, so I despise arguments over nothing. I also know that when I'm tired, I have an even lower tolerance. So if the ladies in my house have an argument about nothing late at night, I’m likely to say something. And it won’t be nice.
My family also has generational links with the railways, so I like to be on time. I’m not a fan at all of lateness.
I know my wife’s trigger points. I know she hates untidiness and disorganisation. So I’ve learned to be tidy. She also hates waste, especially wasting money. So I’ve became more fiscally disciplined.
Do you see how this works?
Spending time with God to get to know Him is part of what it means to love Him. Of course it is. Who would believe any different?
Spending time to get to know others is part of what it takes to love them? Of course it is. Who would believe any different?
But the Bible also teaches self-love. How can we love others as we love ourselves if we don’t first love ourselves?
This means understanding what makes you you, and being willing to change.
So how do we do this?
There is a very simple step. And you’ll be glad to know that you don’t have to hike barefoot as a mountain or dress in garishly coloured robes to do it.
Most people have a time of prayer and meditation at the start of their day. There is nothing wrong with that at all – in fact, it’s commendable.
However, to know yourself, it’s also good to have a short one at the end of the day before you sleep – a short one of no more than ten to fifteen minutes – where you think over what happened during the day and bring it to the Lord in prayer. You can mull over what went well, what didn’t go so well, and what you learned. If you realise that you crossed the line and sinned, you can confess it before you sleep.
If you keep this practice, you will learn and grow each and every day, gradually becoming a better person. And this personal growth will make you more appealing to a prospective partner.
So it might seem like a difficult, laborious and uphill task – which often it is, as we are our own worst enemy – but the results from it are always worth it.
But why do this in a time of prayer? Why involve God?
Because the heart is deceitful above all things, and God knows our heart. Working through our desire to be self-aware and self-improve is absolutely necessary. He even tells us He will work with us in it:
Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed – not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence – continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfil his good purpose.
Philippians 2:12-13NIVUK
Of course this process makes us humble and keeps us there. It’s hard to be proud and carry out this process honestly. But that’s no bad thing:
But He gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: ‘God opposes the proud but shows favour to the humble.’
James 4:6 NIVUK
We may never know everything about ourselves. But someone who is committed to self-improvement and is self-aware is always much more attractive than an ignorant bore.
So if we want to find ourselves a life-long partner, we must commit to knowing God, but also knowing ourselves.
Questions
1. Why is it important to be actively involved in knowing and improving ourselves?
2. What role does prayer have in this process?
3. Why do you think that someone who is self-aware and looking to self-improve is more attractive to a potential partner? What characteristics make them more attractive?
Comments