This is what the Lord says: ‘Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls. But you said, “We will not walk in it.”
Jeremiah 6:16 NIVUK
When I was growing up, if you wanted to go to the beating heart of Glasgow, you went to the Barrowlands Market (known colloquially as ‘The Barras’). It was always busy. People flocked to this traditional marketplace, flanked by cheap and cheerful greasy spoon cafes, from all over the city, looking for a bargain.
It wasn’t the most salubrious of places. You were guaranteed to step into a oily puddle at some point. But Glasgow wasn’t a wealthy place at the time. We all needed something cheap that looked good.
Even if it clearly wasn’t the real thing.
This is the crux of the matter. No-one went to a grungy market in the east end of Glasgow expecting to find genuine high fashion. Once intellectual property became a ‘thing’, it wasn’t surprising that the police used to raid the Barras on a frequent basis. It was more a surprise that it took them so long.
There are many who would read the dating advice I've given and would say things like, ‘Oh, that’s so cute and quaint and old fashioned, but it just isn’t what we do now.’
That might be true. But just as you wouldn’t expect to find the real thing in a cheap marketplace, there is no way you can find real, genuine love while sleeping with as many people as you can until you find the ‘right person’.
Fairy tales are just that – fairy tales. If you met someone chasing frogs to kiss in the hope that one of them might just turn into a Prince, you wouldn’t applaud them. More likely, you’d recommend a good psychiatrist.
Likewise, if you try to find the right person by simply dating and/or mating with countless people until the right one comes along, you are making a big mistake.
When I was a student, I met someone who was a member of our Bible study group and youth group. She was an attractive woman, but the lads I hung around with nicknamed her ‘the Ice Maiden’ because she refused to date any of them.
But she was absolutely right and they were absolutely wrong.
Why would you date anyone you would never experience ‘two becoming one’ with? Why raise hopes and expectations when you know full well they are not someone you will spend the rest of your life with?
How would you feel if someone did that to you?
As Jesus Himself said:
Do to others as you would have them do to you.
Luke 6:31 NIVUK
In other words, love them as you love yourself (Mark 12:31).
That is the golden rule for life, and also for dating.
The fact is, just because something is old doesn’t mean it is outmoded. Today there are rampant mental health problems. People are engaged in highly destructive behaviour in the guise of ‘having a good time’. Getting involved in that kind of behaviour is simply a recipe for disaster.
If you want to be happy – really happy – then don’t throw yourself off the cliff-edge of modern dating like a lemming. Instead, seek out the ancient paths. Seek a model for dating that respects and values both you and your partner, and honours the sanctity of marriage.
That is not just ‘old’. It is the best way to date.
Because it is truly loving.
Questions
1. What is wrong with modern dating methods? Why do they cause more harm than good?
2. How can you show love and respect for yourself, your prospective partner and the sanctity of marriage?
3. What will you change about how you date others and who you date?
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