Now Thomas (also known as Didymus), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, ‘We have seen the Lord!’ But he said to them, ‘Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.’ A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, ‘Peace be with you!’ Then he said to Thomas, ‘Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.’ Thomas said to him, ‘My Lord and my God!’ Then Jesus told him, ‘Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.’
John 20:24-29 NIVUK
I will never forget the moment my wife and I realised that she had received her spouse visa to come to the UK.
We were at the offices of SR Dapat Accounting Company in the city of Cebu, Philippines, where she worked. We had applied for her visa two weeks before. A week previously we had needed to return our documents to the UK Embassy. They had rejected them due to some apparently miniscule issue with the banker's cheque to pay the fees and with the document checklist we had sent. Our expectation was, at best, to be offered an interview date in the Embassy in Manila.
We'd spoken to plenty of people who'd had visa issues. Some had been waiting for months, even years, to join their spouses and partners. We'd even met a Welshman in her neighbourhood who was bitter over constant visa rejections, when he couldn't meet any of the criteria.
So we were prepared for disappointment. I'd even begun the process of obtaining residency in the Phililppines, just in case.
And there it was, two weeks after we'd applied: a big, brown package of the documents we'd sent, couriered back to SR Dapat's office.
We opened it with no little trepidation. 'Oh, no! They've sent our documents back again!' my wife exclaimed as she rifled through them.
'Check your passport.' something made me instinctively ask her.
She took it out, flicked through the pages and then sank into her chair in a mixture of relief and disbelief.
She had been granted a two year spouse visa to the UK. After an application period of two weeks and no interview in Manila.
It was something of a miracle.
Her friends were delighted, and, a little like us, in complete disbelief. Her pastor joked that he'd seen similar stamps for sale at Carbon Market in Cebu.
But it was real. Really real.
Thomas' disbelief was far greater. And, to an extent, understandable.
Firstly, we should look at who he was. And, to be honest, we don't know a lot about him, other than that he was one of the Twelve and a twin. None of the Gospels record his previous career or his calling. Only one - John - records anything he said.
When Jesus talked of returning to Galilee to raise Lazarus from the dead, despite having almost been stoned there, Thomas responds:
Then Thomas (also known as Didymus) said to the rest of the disciples, ‘Let us also go, that we may die with him.’
John 11:16 NIVUK
That might seem like a melancholic, fatalistic thing to say, but at least Thomas is committed to Jesus.
However, later, as Jesus predicts death and resurrection, Thomas, like the other disciples, finds it hard to understand:
‘Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God ; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.’ Thomas said to him, ‘Lord, we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the way?’
John 14:1-5 NIVUK
So we don't know much about him. But what we do know is that he was committed to Jesus, even if he didn't always understand Him.
Secondly, we need to understand what he's seen. Like all the apostles, he would have seen the unfathomable injustice of Jesus' trial and the unspeakable violence of the cross. There's no recollection of him having did anything significant around the time of the crucifixion or while Jesus was in the grave, so its safe to assume that his closest involvement would have been watching from a distance (Luke 23:49).
However, we cannot underestimate the brutal violence of the cross, or the abject horror of seeing someone in whom you'd put your faith and hope being treated so abysmally.
There is also firm, clinical evidence that Jesus was definitely dead (John 19:34-37). So we can fully understand why Thomas would find it so hard to believe that Jesus could rise from the dead.
But yet we must be overjoyed at the gentle grace of the Christ he met.
Think about this for a second. Jesus had told His disciples on many occasions exactly what would happen to Him. They struggled to understand it, let alone believe it. The Bible tells us that Thomas wasn't in their gathering when Jesus appeared to them for the first time (John 20:24).
Why would Jesus bother with a doubt-plagued, despondent man like Thomas?
And yet, He did! Praise God, He did.
Even though Thomas freely voiced his profound disbelief, Jesus was ready to meet his every requirement, no matter how strange, to bring His doubting follower home (John 20:25-27).
And that is truly extraordinary: a gesture few human beings will ever make.
The amazing truth we can learn from this is that even in the midst of a battle with doubt, when the cross we bear seems to heavy to carry and we struggle to believe that there is a way out of our situation, Jesus is there for us. He replaces our heavy, ill-fitting burden with His easy yoke and light burden (Matthew 11:28-30). And, although we might be plagued with doubt that someone like us could ever be forgiven for our unbelief, He not only provides us with a way out, He also provides us with the strength to get there.
It's what happens next that should really fill us with wonder. Not just because of his confession, but because this disciple, known for his doubting, committed himself to his Lord and became a missionary. He preached the Gospel in many placed. Church history tells us that he is buried in a church in Mumbai, India.
The man who doubted believes and is utterly transformed.
Like Thomas, you may look at your situation and wonder how it could ever change. You may feel that the cross you bear is too heavy and that there is no way out.
Lift up your head and look at Thomas: a man who doubted, but believed and was transformed.
The God who transformed him is your God too. Maybe it's time to truly believe.
Questions
1) Is there anything in your life that makes it difficult for you to believe God? What is it? Why does it make it difficult for you?
2) How does reading of Jesus' gentle grace with Thomas make you feel?
3) How should you deal with the heavy burden of doubt? What will you do with yours?
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