Psalms 139:11-12 NIVUK
[11] If I say, ‘Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,’ [12] even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
When I was a teenager, I was almost another victim of knife crime.
I was walking the family dog – a Jack Russell terrier – and this guy came at me from a nearby neighbourhood. He had what I can only describe as a large kitchen knife. He pushed me against a wire fence. I don’t know where he was high or drunk or stupid or just trying to scare me, but instead of stabbing at me, he tried to slice me like a ham (or for those who are more modern in their outlook, a sushi roll). My jacket blocked the blows so I was uninjured.
However, a guy emerging from a nearby bar yelled at him and scared him off.
Now I had a problem.
The place where I was attacked was on my route to church and to the part of town where some of my relatives lived. It was also close to my walk to school.
I had two choices. I could either let that failed attack traumatise me and avoid that place, or I could face the fear until it went away.
That attack angered me. I didn’t want that thug dominating any area of my life. And so, shaking like a leaf, I went back to the scene of the crime, repeatedly, by day and then by night, until the fear passed.
Making it through to the other side of suffering and pain is glorious. It is wonderful. Not everyone achieves it. Even the rich and the powerful fail. I recently read a review of the biography of Lisa Marie Presley, the daughter of Elvis. It is so very clear that she never got over her father’s death.
But there is one thing about making it through suffering: you still bear the scars. You still carry the hurt. It’s one thing to endure the pain of suffering. It’s quite another to endure the aftermath.
This is a beautiful Psalm. There is probably no other poem or piece of prose that can compare with it. But here, in these wonderful words, we find the solution to our suffering, and the healing balm for our wounds.
And the wound that often cuts the deepest, where the scars take the longest to heal? That is the wound that these verses anoint with healing balm.
What is that wound?
Our sense of who we are. Our self-esteem.
So if you have come home to God through suffering so great that you struggle to understand it, if it's left you confused as to who you are and your place in this world, if you’ve gained your freedom but lost your self, Psalm 139, and its five sections, are for you.
Each of these is part of a prayer of David to God – a quite extraordinary prayer.
The first is where David tells God that ‘You Know’:
Psalms 139:1-6 NIVUK
[1] You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. [2] You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. [3] You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. [4] Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. [5] You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. [6] Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. https://bible.com/bible/113/psa.139.1-6.NIVUK
In my team at work, there are three of us. All three of us, at different times in our lives, have had issues with our spines – my boss being the person who has it the worst. In a sense, this works quite well. If any of us has a bad day and feels back pain, the others know how it feels because we have been there.
What David says here to God is that God has a perfect understanding and knowledge of David as a person. God know what David does, what he thinks and what he says – perfectly and without any misunderstanding.
There are some who see this as threatening. They would rather hide things from God and try to keep secrets from Him. David does not believe that. Not at all. He positively revels in the notion that God knows him inside out.
This concept is also something Jesus teaches in the New Testament, in some very famous verses:
Matthew 10:29-31 NIVUK
[29] Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. [30] And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. [31] So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. https://bible.com/bible/113/mat.10.29-31.NIVUK
Jesus teaches this idea in the context of preparing His disciples for ministry – a ministry in which they may well face rejection, persecution, arrest and trial. He tells them not to worry about it? Why? Because God knows them.
When we pass through suffering, there are two things that make things so much worse for us.
The first is the idea that no-one sees, the second is the no-one understands. The prospect of no-one caring enough to notice fills us with horror because of the possibility of suffering alone. The possibility of being misunderstood fills us with dread because of the possibility of well-intentioned people adding to our burden.
But we need not fear either of these when we come to God. He sees. He knows. He understands.
Hebrews 4:14-16 NIVUK
[14] Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. [15] For we do not have a high priest who is unable to feel sympathy for our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are – yet he did not sin. [16] Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
Deep in the Old Testament, there is a quite wonderful moment. We see an Egyptian slave, pregnant and running away from her mistress, who has mistreated her. Yet God meets with her in her distress and comforts her. This is how she reacted:
Genesis 16:13 NIVUK
[13] She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: ‘You are the God who sees me,’ for she said, ‘I have now seen the One who sees me.’ https://bible.com/bible/113/gen.16.13.NIVUK
Friend, if you have just emerged from the flames of suffering today, if you bear the scars and the pain and you cannot describe how much it hurts, I want you to take comfort from this beautiful fact:
God sees. God knows.
And the God who sees and knows is also the God who will provide everything you need to get through this.
As well as God seeing, we see that David says to Him, ‘You are there’:
Psalms 139:7-12 NIVUK
[7] Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? [8] If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. [9] If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, [10] even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. [11] If I say, ‘Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,’ [12] even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
We need to understand what David was really saying here. He is not saying that he wanted to escape from God (like Jonah in Jonah 1:3). He is saying that if he tried to escape from God, he would fail, because God is everywhere.
If we were trying to get away with some heinous sin, this would scare us, because there is nothing we could do that could shake God.
But these verses are a beautiful reminder that no matter where we go or what happens to us, God is there right beside us.
There are many examples of this in the Bible:
Genesis 39:20-21 NIVUK
[20] Joseph’s master took him and put him in prison, the place where the king’s prisoners were confined. But while Joseph was there in the prison, [21] the Lord was with him; he showed him kindness and granted him favour in the eyes of the prison warder. https://bible.com/bible/113/gen.39.20-21.NIVUK
1 Kings 19:3-9 NIVUK
[3] Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, [4] while he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. ‘I have had enough, Lord,’ he said. ‘Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.’ [5] Then he lay down under the bush and fell asleep. All at once an angel touched him and said, ‘Get up and eat.’ [6] He looked around, and there by his head was some bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again. [7] The angel of the Lord came back a second time and touched him and said, ‘Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.’ [8] So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he travelled for forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God. [9] There he went into a cave and spent the night. Lord And the word of the Lord came to him: ‘What are you doing here, Elijah?’
1 Samuel 30:6 NIVUK
[6] David was greatly distressed because the men were talking of stoning him; each one was bitter in spirit because of his sons and daughters. But David found strength in the Lord his God.
Daniel 3:22-25 NIVUK
[22] The king’s command was so urgent and the furnace so hot that the flames of the fire killed the soldiers who took up Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, [23] and these three men, firmly tied, fell into the blazing furnace. [24] Then King Nebuchadnezzar leaped to his feet in amazement and asked his advisors, ‘Weren’t there three men that we tied up and threw into the fire?’ They replied, ‘Certainly, Your Majesty.’ [25] He said, ‘Look! I see four men walking around in the fire, unbound and unharmed, and the fourth looks like a son of the gods.’
Acts 23:9-11 NIVUK
[9] There was a great uproar, and some of the teachers of the law who were Pharisees stood up and argued vigorously. ‘We find nothing wrong with this man,’ they said. ‘What if a spirit or an angel has spoken to him?’ [10] The dispute became so violent that the commander was afraid Paul would be torn to pieces by them. He ordered the troops to go down and take him away from them by force and bring him into the barracks. [11] The following night the Lord stood near Paul and said, ‘Take courage! As you have testified about me in Jerusalem, so you must also testify in Rome.’
Do you see it? You must see it.
God is with us. Always.
During the Romanian Revolution, as ordinary people stood up to the police and army defending an utterly ruthless communist regime, those unarmed people chanted, ‘Dumnezeu este cu noi’ or ‘God is with us’ as they stared down the regime of Nicolae Ceaușescu.
Realising that God is with you is beyond empowering.
Yet He is. Always.
If you are a Christian today, you are never, ever alone. That is a fact.
So we have a God who sees us watching over us, and a God who loves us standing beside us.
And nothing can ever separate us from that love:
Romans 8:38-39 NIVUK
[38] For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, [39] neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. https://bible.com/bible/113/rom.8.38-39.NIVUK
It is utterly relentless.
And that relentlessness makes us strong.
So having seen that God sees us and is with us, the next thing David said to God is that ‘You made me’.
Psalms 139:13-18 NIVUK
[13] For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. [14] I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. [15] My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. [16] Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. [17] How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! [18] Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand – when I awake, I am still with you.
Now, this is beyond precious.
Our modern, western society would have us believe that we are nothing more than a happy accident – a random set of cells that just happened to coalesce at the right time to make us.
So when hard times hit and we find our sense of self-worth being worn down at a rate of knots, what does it mean?
For our culture? Nothing. All suffering is meaningless.
Which makes full recovery from it close to impossible, no matter how many self-help podcasts you listen to.
But these verses! Ah, these verses! They are like the colours of the Aurora against an inky black sky.
They state that we were individually created and crafted by God while we were still in the womb.
They state that God designed and moulded the very essence of who we are.
They state that God has individually written a plan for our life. The Bible teaches us elsewhere that it is perfect and ultimately for our good and His glory (Romans 8:28-30).
No wonder that David exclaimed with sheer joy:
Psalms 139:17-18 NIVUK
[17] How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! [18] Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand – when I awake, I am still with you. https://bible.com/bible/113/psa.139.17-18.NIVUK
Because in who he is, and who he has become, and everything he has been through, God was thinking of David!
And if you are a child of God and a follower of Jesus Christ right now, you can say that of you too.
You don’t need to make sense of the design. You don’t need to understand the ins and outs of God’s design. You don’t even need to like it or approve of it.
The fact is that God made you in every way, and you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are you. You are an individual. You are a work of art. And everything you have been through has been used by God to make you who you are.
You might look at a great, renowned work of art in a gallery and not quite understand it or appreciate it. That’s fine. Everyone has their own perspective and opinion.
But when you look at yourself in the mirror, you are looking at God’s work of art, and He says you are very good.
Who are you to disagree?
So we have seen that God sees us, is with us and made us. Fourthly, we also see that David says to God that ‘You avenge me’:
Psalms 139:19-22 NIVUK
[19] If only you, God, would slay the wicked! Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty! [20] They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name. [21] Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord, and abhor those who are in rebellion against you? [22] I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies. https://bible.com/bible/113/psa.139.19-22.NIVUK
These three verses, to some people, might seem like a fly in the healing balm of this Psalm.
We have all this wonderful teaching about God watching over us and being with us and hand-crafting everything about us and then BAM! Out of the blue we have verses about violence and hatred and slaying.
They just seem so out of place.
But are they?
Read them carefully. Even if you find it hard to do so.
Who are these people?
They are people who have set themselves up as God’s adversaries.
What are they are doing?
They are misusing the Name of the Lord with evil intent.
But what does this mean?
There is a direct prohibition against it in the Ten Commandments:
Exodus 20:7 NIVUK
[7] You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name.
But what does this mean?
In the past, certainly when I was growing up, it meant that we shouldn’t use the Lord's Name flippantly, or as a curse word. That much us true – we shouldn’t.
Jews understand that we shouldn’t use it at all, so they censor it whenever the Name is used. That is going a bit too far, but the intention is good.
However, there is a third meaning of this that is so prevalent nowadays and was very wide-spread in Bible times too. We see it here:
Jeremiah 23:21-22 NIVUK
[21] I did not send these prophets, yet they have run with their message; I did not speak to them, yet they have prophesied. [22] But if they had stood in my council, they would have proclaimed my words to my people and would have turned them from their evil ways and from their evil deeds.
Jeremiah 28:15-17 NIVUK
[15] Then the prophet Jeremiah said to Hananiah the prophet, ‘Listen, Hananiah! The Lord has not sent you, yet you have persuaded this nation to trust in lies. [16] Therefore this is what the Lord says: “I am about to remove you from the face of the earth. This very year you are going to die, because you have preached rebellion against the Lord.” ’ [17] In the seventh month of that same year, Hananiah the prophet died. https://bible.com/bible/113/jer.28.15-17.NIVUK
Jeremiah 29:31-32 NIVUK
[31] ‘Send this message to all the exiles: “This is what the Lord says about Shemaiah the Nehelamite: because Shemaiah has prophesied to you, even though I did not send him, and has persuaded you to trust in lies, [32] this is what the Lord says: I will surely punish Shemaiah the Nehelamite and his descendants. He will have no-one left among this people, nor will he see the good things I will do for my people, declares the Lord, because he has preached rebellion against me.” ’
Philippians 1:15-17 NIVUK
[15] It is true that some preach Christ out of envy and rivalry, but others out of goodwill. [16] The latter do so out of love, knowing that I am put here for the defence of the gospel. [17] The former preach Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely, supposing that they can stir up trouble for me while I am in chains.
These are people who make big claims about their status as being called or sent by God, but are doing so with the intention of building their own kingdom, not the Kingdom of Heaven (Matthew 6:33). They are out to make a profit from God and from people who naively follow them.
They are like fraudsters who prey upon the elderly, claiming to be repair men or heating engineers or plumbers or people from the council so they can rob them.
Maybe you think I’m being too harsh. However, let me explain it another way.
I don’t like smoking, vaping or any nicotine based devices. I think it is disgusting to profit from other people’s addictions, and to market these products to children is utterly reprehensible.
Now imagine that someone used my image and my voice to sell vapes.
How would I react?
I would retain the services of a good lawyer and sue them!
It’s the same thing here. These utter fraudsters are detracting from the glory of God and maligning His Name by misusing God for the own evil intentions. David is calling on God to rise up in justice to resolve the problem.
We might baulk at the language – Christians are not allowed to hate or make enemies of other people (Luke 10:25-37). However, we see here that, despite all David has been through and everything he is facing, his priority is the glory of God and not petty vengeance on those who have displeased or offended him.
And that makes all the difference. When David calls on God to avenge him, he is asking God to carry out this:
Deuteronomy 32:35 NIVUK
[35] It is mine to avenge; I will repay. In due time their foot will slip; their day of disaster is near and their doom rushes upon them.’
Hebrews 10:30-31 NIVUK
[30] For we know him who said, ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ and again, ‘The Lord will judge his people.’ [31] It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. https://bible.com/bible/113/heb.10.30-31.NIVUK
Romans 12:17-21 NIVUK
[17] Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. [18] If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. [19] Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord. [20] On the contrary: ‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.’ [21] Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. https://bible.com/bible/113/rom.12.17-21.NIVUK
He is entrusting the deep offence at the way these people are abusing the Name of the Lord to the Lord Himself.
When we crawl out of suffering, after having been beaten down by those who have hurt us, we might feel like we are desperate for our version of justice – which, in some cases, will be revenge. But no matter what they have done to us, it will always be more trivial than maligning the Name of the Lord and impinging on His glory.
Can we not entrust our thirst for justice and revenge to the Lord too?
Luke 18:7 NIVUK
[7] And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off?
Of course, if someone has committed a criminal offence against us, that is another thing entirely. Of course there must be justice on earth. Of course there must be a deterrent. Of course other people must be kept safe from the one who has hurt us.
But we must never take our revenge on them, because there is one thing we can be sure of:
Hebrews 10:31 NIVUK
[31] It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. https://bible.com/bible/113/heb.10.31.NIVUK
So we seen that God is the One who knows us, is with us, made us and avengers us. These all are beautiful facts that can heal us from the deepest of hurts. But the last thing David says about God is ‘You search me’.
Psalms 139:23-24 NIVUK
[23] Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. [24] See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. https://bible.com/bible/113/psa.139.23-24.NIVUK
This is David’s reaction to the great, incredible, restorative truths in this Psalm. After soaring to the heights of all God is for him, and asking God to mete out justice who treat Him with contempt, David now asks God to do something specific, but also very difficult:
To search him. To examine him. To see if anything in David’s thoughts or ways could in any way offend or hurt God.
The reason behind this is very simple:
2 Corinthians 5:9-10 NIVUK
[9] So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. [10] For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due to us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad. https://bible.com/bible/113/2co.5.9-10.NIVUK
Whatever has happened to David that has led to this point, and whatever is still happening to him now, David is so taken up with the wonder of what God has done and is doing for him that he wants to please God more than anyone else.
Often we emerge from suffering like a boat from a storm. We might be in one piece and surviving, but our drive has gone, our engine is busted, our compass and navigation equipment is shot to pieces. We know what we’ve just been through, but we have no idea where we are or where we are going.
We are drifting.
And that makes things worse. We may have survived, but we don’t yet feel part of the human race because we are disoriented and do not have a purpose or direction yet.
Do you want a purpose? Do you need direction?
Have the courage to pray this prayer. Seek to please God first and foremost.
Everything else will gradually fall into line after that.
But, at the same time, this can be a difficult prayer to pray.
It can feel like we are going to the hospital for a scan or an x-ray: we have the general feeling that something isn’t right, but we absolutely dread to think about what it could be.
But if we don’t know what the problem is, how can we fix it?
James’ exhortation is relevant here:
James 1:22-25 NIVUK
[22] Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. [23] Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror [24] and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. [25] But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it – not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it – they will be blessed in what they do.
So yes, it is painful and difficult to ask God to examine you, especially if your wounds are still fresh and sore. But how else will you get better? How else will you improve? How else will you become healthy and strong?
A number of years ago, we decided with my in-laws that we would travel to a mountain peak called 16,000 Blossoms. We had seen glorious pictures of this place and hoped we could jump on the social media bandwagon.
So off we set.
It wasn’t long before we found ourselves ascending up the mountainside in thick fog. It hardly lifted all day. Our view was severely restricted by the mountain weather.
And the blossoms? Those colourful blossoms we had hoped to capture in our pictures?
Artificial. Plastic. Every single one of them. And looking a little tired.
Our ascent to the mountaintop left us disappointed.
But climbing the Psalm 139 mountain, with its stunning views of who God is and who we are, never disappoints.
Because this wonderful Psalm presents to us five glorious truths that help us to recover from the pain of our suffering and strife.
The first truth is that our God watches over us – for our good, not our harm.
The second truth is that God is with us, even when we don’t feel His presence.
The third truth is that God made us – every last cell of our being. He knows exactly who we are and what we can bear, with His help.
Fourthly, we see that God avenges us, and we can trust Him to enact justice on our behalf.
Fifthly, we see that we can call on God to examine us, to remove from us any ways that could possibly trip us up and send us back into suffering and despair.
A number of years ago, I experienced the most severe nerve pain I have ever had. It was extraordinary sharp. It wouldn’t shift no matter what I did. I even tried a hot bath at 3am – it relaxed my back muscles for a while, but only for around fifteen minutes.
The following morning, I called my boss to tell him I wouldn’t be in work and hobbled my way, in great pain, to my doctor’s surgery, around twenty minutes away. On the way, the pain slowly began to subside. The exercise helped.
He prescribed some medication, which also helped, and then sent me to a physiotherapist – the umpteenth time I had been to one.
But that physiotherapist found the problem that had caused me severe back pain for years: my calf muscles were too short. With exercise, step by step, he lengthened them. I have never had pain like that again.
My doctor brought me out of suffering. The physiotherapist healed the wounds.
This is a healing Psalm. It is a beautiful Scriptural balm for the deep wounds that hard times inflict on us. Here lies the cure.
All we have to do is accept and believe it.
Because this is no placebo.
It actually works.
Prayer
Lord Jesus, thank You so much, from the bottom of my heart, for providing the cure for my deepest wounds and scars. Help me to realise what this means to me, to believe it and to see the wounds healed. Amen.
Questions
1. What are the five truths that cure the deepest wounds of suffering?
2. How do they work?
3. Which one do you need the most? Why? What effect will it have on your life?
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