Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:8-9 NIVUK
The white flag has been the universal symbol of surrender for thousands of years. Its first mention is believed to have been during the Eastern Han dynasty in China, some time before AD 225. Even during brutal wars, like the First or Second World Wars, it has been a symbol of surrender. Anyone carrying a white flag must be unarmed and cannot be shot at under the Hague Conventions.
It is fundamentally a symbol of weakness and vulnerability. In Malaysia, during the worst of the Covid outbreak, those who needed help were encouraged to place a white flag in their windows, or to use the Malay words for 'white flag' in a hashtag on social media in order to receive help.
Yet in our world there is an almost obsessive focus on being strong. Just look at the huge plastic containers filled with proteins. The flavoured shakes. The huge growth in gymnasiums. The almost obsession with mental health and resilience.
Some of this is good and right and proper. But our society has a contradictory relationship with brokenness and weakness. We celebrate it in music and arts. We march to celebrate tolerance towards broken human beings. We hold protests to demand peace and reparations for those broken by war and poverty and suffering.
Yet for many, many years (and in my own personal experience) companies have little tolerance for those who bring their brokenness into the workplace. You need to have your 'game face on' as soon as you cross the threshold. You can't ever show your weakness.
Unfortunately, we have to admit that for decades our churches were the same. They were not sanctuaries of encouragement and support. They were often places where people came to 'out-holy' each other. And that is unBiblical nonsense - a cruel and heartless parody and caricature of what the church should be.
Maybe you don't feel safe about airing your doubts and struggles to a church or a group of supportive Christians. I understand that. But there is one place where you should absolutely air them: your quiet time with God.
Struggling with what God is doing in your life is nothing new and neither is it at all unusual. The book scholars consider to be the oldest recorded of all the books in the Bible - the book of Job - documents one man's terrifically painful struggles with what God was doing. And it continues throughout the patriarchs to Jesus Himself in the Garden of Gethsemane and on to Peter, Paul and many, many more. It's part of the Christian experience.
But do you know something? Having been through the experience many times, I believe that it is actually a good thing. Why? Because our lack of comprehension at times of what God is doing expresses clearly that we have not cast Him in our image. He is not like us. He is very definitely 'other'.
And that is a good thing. The last thing we need is a sovereign, all-seeing, all-knowing, all-powerful God who is as flawed and self-centred and sinful as we are.
Yes, I know that struggling with God is a very painful experience. Like I've said, I've did it myself on many occasions. But once we understand what it means and how we can get through it, we might not see it in such a negative light.
Firstly, we need to look at its causes: why is it that people struggle with God?
I believe the main cause is contained in one of the most well-known and tranquil psalms in all Scripture:
The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
Psalms 23:1 NIVUK
The main reason why people struggle with God is because of this verse: they can't pray it. They believe that something is missing in their life. They believe it to be a good thing (James 1:17) and can't understand why God hasn't given it to them, or why He has taken it away.
Or like one very famous singer once sang, 'I still haven't found what I'm looking for'.
Does that sound familiar?
Job lost everything he had, except for his wife, who thought that death would be a quick way out for him (Job 1 and 2).
Abraham and Sarah were told they would have a child when Abraham was already seventy-five years old (Genesis 12:4). Sarah gave birth to Isaac a full twenty-five years later (Genesis 21:5). In those long twenty-five years, they believed God would provide them with a child (Romans 4:3,18; Galatians 3:6; Hebrews 11:11; James 2:23), but it's also very clear that this faith did not come easily. Otherwise, why would Sarah have given Abraham her servant Hagar as his concubine so he could have a son - and also blamed God for her childlessness (Genesis 16:1-2)?
Jacob was a very rich man (Genesis 30:43). Yet he still he seemed to lack something because he wrestled with God until daybreak at the Jabbok River to obtain nothing more than a verbal blessing (Genesis 32:23-32).
Moses argued with God repeatedly, before grudgingly accepting that he would lead the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt, because he felt that he wasn't up to the job (Exodus 3 and 4).
Saul's decline from his role as king began when he was impatient and did not obey Samuel's command to wait (1 Samuel 13:7-13), but his behaviour towards David, filled with jealousy and hatred, showed that he could just not come to terms with God taking the kingship from him.
Habakkuk cried out to the Lord due to what he felt was a lack of justice in how the Lord was working out the politics of the day
Paul also feels a lack - a lack of comfort caused by his ailment, whatever it was (2 Corinthians 12:8-9).
Do you see the pattern? Time and time and time again God's people face huge obstacles and are enveloped in crises because they feel something is lacking, something is wrong, something is not quite right.
In philosophical terms, we call this angst. There was a whole music scene around this when I was younger. And yes, the word 'anxiety' comes from it, because this lack can cause us to be anxious.
So what are the symptoms that we, or someone we love, is suffering from this angst? Asaph paints a vividly accurate picture:
When I tried to understand all this, it troubled me deeply
Psalms 73:16 NIVUK
We become troubled. We lose our peace. We become confused. We don't know what to think. In fact, our head hurts with thinking, as everything we think we know about God is questioned.
Just look at what happened to our Bible characters who experienced this wrestling, this angst. Job's friends questioned him, because they were sure he must have done something to deserve what was happening to him.
Abraham's child born by Hagar was the ancestor the Arab nations - many of which have been enemies of Israel since then.
Jacob ended up with an injured hip.
Saul and his son Jonathan both died in battle (1 Samuel 13:1-6).
You see, although the questioning itself is not wrong, if we honestly believe that God is deliberately keeping something good from us, then we really are on shaky ground. This was, after all, the original temptation (Genesis 3:4-6).
There are two ways out of a position where we are wrestling with God. One way is to lose our trust in Him. To believe that He is not good. To become embittered and angry. To turn our back on Him and even believe that if He doesn't give us what we want, then He can't exist.
You might be astonished that anyone could take things this far, but I have seen it happen. I once met a young student in Romania who had become an athiest because her parents had divorced. It happens. This is very real.
We see things like this happen even in the Bible. Look at Saul. Okay, he wasn't the greatest leader Israel ever had, even from the beginning. But look at the change for the worst that happened when he realised that David would take over from him. He became insanely jealous (1 Samuel 18:6-9), quick-tempered and even homicidal (1 Samuel 18:10-12). He actually abandoned his responsibilities as king and hunted David down.
All because of one thing:
Saul was afraid of David, because the Lord was with David but had departed from Saul.
1 Samuel 18:12 NIVUK
And why had the Lord departed from Saul? Because Saul was consistently more focused in his own glory and his standing before the people rather than God's (1 Samuel 15:12-25).
Saul didn't turn athiest, but in his utter despair and inability to accept the reality of his situation, he turned to the occult instead and consulted a medium (1 Samuel 28:3-20).
Those who begin to doubt God's goodness can often take radical steps that cause harm to themselves and others. They become people who take matters into their own hands and often cause huge problems.
The other solution is the best way out of this situation. It isn't easy or pain-free. But when we arrive there, we are often surprised at how much our times of questioning and wrestling have strengthened our faith. And that is to surrender.
This is what many Bible characters did.
When God revealed His greatness and sovereignty to Job, Job had to surrender (Job 40:3-5, 42:1-6). But because of his surrender, God gave him even greater riches than before (Job 42:7-15).
Abraham and Sarah might have had their rocky moments until Isaac was born, but Abraham showed incredible faith in being willing to risk everything God had blessed Him with, and the future of his family, in complete obedience to God at any cost (Genesis 22:1-19).
Moses chose to obey God and led his people out of slavery (Exodus 14).
Asaph may have struggled with how the rich oppressors of his day seemed to be getting away with it, but one visit to the place of worship resolved that completely (Psalm 73).
And Habbakuk, after wrestling greatly with what God was doing in his day, penned these incredible words of surrender:
I heard and my heart pounded, my lips quivered at the sound; decay crept into my bones, and my legs trembled. Yet I will wait patiently for the day of calamity to come on the nation invading us. Though the fig-tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the sheepfold and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Saviour. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights.
Habakkuk 3:16-19 NIVUK
I want you to understand this picture very well. When we question God, we find ourselves on a tightrope from which our faith in Him could easily fail - and for many it does.
However, it can also be likened to those sweet pieces of camera footage when we see lion or tiger cubs play-fighting. It may seem like what they are doing is aggressive, but they are growing and becoming strong; they are preparing themselves for life in the real world.
When we question God and wrestle with what He says and does, without at all doubting His justice and His goodness, this experience can strengthen us. It can prepare is for the real world, where many live in doubt, asking the same questions we are, and our wrestling could provide them with the answers that could save them.
But we cannot avoid one clear fact. The only way to wrestle with God and to come through it unscathed is to surrender to Him. Jesus knew it in the Garden of Gethsemane (Matthew 26:39-42; Mark 14:35-40; Luke 22:42-44). Paul knew it when he struggled with his thorn (2 Corinthians 12:8-9). There is no other way.
It isn't wrong to ask God about the situation you are in. It isn't wrong if these questions are filled with anguish and soaked with tears. And a personal quiet time with God is the perfect time to deal with these questions.
But it is absolutely wrong to question God's nature and His character and His plan. If we start on this, we are on a slippery slope from which the only way back is to repent, and quickly.
So what troubles your soul, Christian? What are the questions you are looking for God to answer?
Questions
Do you feel like you lack anything? If so, what?
Have you ever doubted the goodness of God? What convinced you that He is good?
Have you ever surrendered to God's will and plan for your life? Did anything change as a result?
Comments