Find Hope When You Bereaved

Joshua 1:1-9 NIV 

[1] After the death of Moses the servant of the Lord, the Lord said to Joshua son of Nun, Moses’ aide: [2] “Moses my servant is dead. Now then, you and all these people, get ready to cross the Jordan River into the land I am about to give to them—to the Israelites. [3] I will give you every place where you set your foot, as I promised Moses. [4] Your territory will extend from the desert to Lebanon, and from the great river, the Euphrates—all the Hittite country—to the Mediterranean Sea in the west. [5] No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. [6] Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their ancestors to give them. [7] “Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. [8] Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. [9] Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” 

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/111/jos.1.1-9.NIV)

When I was twenty-five years old, while still a missionary in Romania, I received a phone call that shattered everything. My father was very ill with Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and was dying. Everything jarred to a halt. My ministry was over. I raced back home to be with him and my family. 

He died two weeks later. He was only forty-eight years old. 

While it was ridiculously sad to lose someone so close so young, I still don’t believe that it was a tragedy. 

Last year I stood beside my wife as she watched her father slowly deteriorate over a number of months on video calls. I remember one last call where we all got the distinct feeling that this was it. 

Hours later one of my nieces called us to say that he had stopped breathing. 

My wife’s father was gone. 

While I am blessed to be a part of two families that have experienced so much joy, we have also experienced a great deal of heartache and pain. The pain of bereavement is something we share across two very different cultures, seven thousand miles and seven time zones. 

Because grieving a loved one is a common experience for all humanity. 

Now, there is no template for grief. It’s a trail without a map or a compass. There are stages to it. Psychologists have laid these down for us. But how long it will take us to pass them and how it will feel are aspects that are unique both to us as people and to the person we have lost. They are all unique. 

Bereavement is something that it takes a lot of patience to pass through, both with ourselves and other people. It can’t be rushed. It’s something we have to undergo whether we like it or not. It hurts. Of course it does. There are few life experiences that hurt more.

But suppressing the pain and the emotions is way more harmful than submitting ourselves to them and passing through this dark valley. 

In perhaps the strangest of places – the first chapter of the book of Joshua – we will find essential truths that will guide us through this difficult time.  

This passage, and its immediate context, provides us with three things we must do to help ourselves get through bereavement.  

The first of these is that we must Mourn. 

A Time to Mourn 

Deuteronomy 34:8 NIV 

[8] The Israelites grieved for Moses in the plains of Moab thirty days, until the time of weeping and mourning was over. 

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/111/deu.34.8.NIV)

My father was never a fan of the maudlin ritual his family observed of going to the graveside and talking to the dead. ‘I don’t want them doing that.’ He told us. ‘Because I won’t be there.’ 

So he decided to be cremated. 

I can see why he did it. Until his own passing, my grandfather took the bus to his wife’s graveside pretty much every day he could. He stood and chatted with her there as if she was standing there in front of him.  

He had lost her and he couldn’t let go. 

Every one of us mourns in their own way. The pain of losing someone never quite goes away. You will always miss them. Funeral services are a great focal point for grieving but it doesn’t always end there. Sometimes we still feel their absence, often acutely. 

Here we see a nation that had lost their leader – and not just any leader, but their first, and for many still their greatest, leader. He had led them from slavery through forty years of wandering in a trackless desert to the brink of entering into all that God had promised.  

And then, at the age of one hundred and twenty years old, he died. 

They did what is appropriate and right. They mourned him. The missed him. They felt his absence.  

The important thing to see here is that they faced a devastatingly sad situation. Yet they did not run from it. They did not hide from it. They did not try to drown it out with alcohol or other substances. 

They faced it. Full on. They were not at all ashamed or afraid of their feelings. They gave themselves the space and time they needed to pass through this sad time of mourning.  

In a previous series of studies, I looked at what it means to love God, our neighbours and ourselves. We see this in 1 Corinthians 13: 

1 Corinthians 13:4 NIV 

[4] Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/111/1co.13.4.NIV)

When we are bereaved, it’s so important to be patient and kind – not just to ourselves but to the people around us too. Mourning is painful and it takes time. We cannot and should not rush it or brush it aside. We need to face it and feel it. 

But how do we get through it? 

That's where the next stage comes in – that of Meditate. 

A Time to Meditate 

Joshua 1:6-9 NIV 

[6] Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their ancestors to give them. [7] “Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. [8] Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. [9] Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” 

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/111/jos.1.6-9.NIV)

Death can be devastating to the living. The loss of someone we depended on can mean that we need to find new ways to live. 

It can feel like you are trying to navigate a foreign country where you don’t speak the language without a map or compass or any idea where you are trying to go. 

I know. I know because I have felt it myself. 

And also because I’ve navigated my way through a fair few foreign countries. 

How do we avoid this sense of dislocation and being so utterly out of control? 

We need a map and a compass.

That map and compass is the Word of God. It is the Bible. 

Look at our passage. Moses was dead. God pointed that out plainly to Joshua, who was the new leader of a million people. How would he do it? How could he do it? 

God told him to be strong and courageous. He said it three times and He gave Joshua three reasons why he should be so strong and courageous. 

The first is that God will give. God would give them the land He had promised them. They didn’t have to earn it. They didn’t have to buy it. God was going to give it freely to them as an act of grace. 

When my wife lost her father, a couple in our church very kindly came round with some food for our dinner. We definitely appreciated the gesture. It showed they cared for us. 

When we are bereaved and all of our resources are running on empty, we need to understand verses like this: 

Philippians 4:19 NIV 

[19] And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. 

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/111/php.4.19.NIV)

Isaiah 41:10 NIV 

[10] So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/111/isa.41.10.NIV)

2 Corinthians 9:8 NIV 

[8] And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.  

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/111/2co.9.8.NIV)

We may not think we have everything we need now. Our strength and resilience may be so depleted that we wonder how we can even get out of bed in the morning. But God has promised that He will supply all our needs, not just today, but every day: 

Lamentations 3:22-23 NIV 

[22] Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. [23] They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. 

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/111/lam.3.22-23.NIV)

Secondly, because God will be there. 

This is a beautiful truth that should never be taken for granted. After all, forty years previously, it seemed like it would not be the case because of the Israelites’ sin: 

Exodus 33:1-3 NIV 

[1] Then the Lord said to Moses, “Leave this place, you and the people you brought up out of Egypt, and go up to the land I promised on oath to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, saying, ‘I will give it to your descendants.’ [2] I will send an angel before you and drive out the Canaanites, Amorites, Hittites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites. [3] Go up to the land flowing with milk and honey. But I will not go with you, because you are a stiff-necked people and I might destroy you on the way.” 

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/111/exo.33.1-3.NIV)

Moses’ pleas and intercession on their behalf overturned this: 

Exodus 33:15-17 NIV 

[15] Then Moses said to him, “If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. [16] How will anyone know that you are pleased with me and with your people unless you go with us? What else will distinguish me and your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?” [17] And the Lord said to Moses, “I will do the very thing you have asked, because I am pleased with you and I know you by name.” 

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/111/exo.33.15-17.NIV)

Both leadership and bereavement can have the same deadly effect: isolation. They can make you feel devastatingly alone. People react differently to you when you are a leader than they do when you're just a regular person. That is clear and, to a certain extent, to be expected. I felt it when I was promoted to a team leader in Romania. How much more when you are raised up to lead a nomadic nation of a million people? 

And then there’s bereavement. As I said earlier, every one of us grieves differently. Again, that’s to be expected. Our perception of someone is different, so our experience when they die is also  different. 

This can lead us to feel acutely alone. How can other people understand how we feel when they didn’t have our perspective and experience of the deceased while they were still alive? 

That’s why this promise of God’s presence is so very special. He made us (Genesis 1:27; Psalm 139:13-14). He knows us inside out (Psalm 139:1-4). He even experienced what it was like to be us (Hebrews 4:15). 

Jesus also knows what it feels like to lose someone you love (John 11:1-44).  

What’s more – and this is really precious for those of us who are watching immediate family and friends go through the dark valley of bereavement – Jesus stood in that position too.

Do you know what He did? 

John 11:35 NIV 

[35] Jesus wept. 

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/111/jhn.11.35.NIV)

He wept for and with those whose lives were suddenly on hold due to the sudden loss of someone dear. 

This is the God who has promised He will never leave you (Joshua 1:5; Matthew 28:20). 

This is precious beyond belief. 

Lastly, we also see that God will grant success. 

Now, this is something we must understand correctly. What this verse doesn’t mean is that God was going to make Joshua – or anyone – spectacularly rich. We should get that idea right out of our heads. We do not follow God to increase our bank balance. If we do, then our bank balance is our god. 

What it means is that God would give Joshua success in the task God had given him to do: he would lead the Israelites into the Promised Land. They would enjoy victory over their enemies. They would obtain the promises God had given them. 

But – and this is a very important but – they had to know God’s law and obey God’s law. That was the critical factor. 

Think about it: Joshua was new to this leadership role. He was leading a people who had proved themselves to be fractious and disobedient since leaving Egypt. They had no military training and very little battle experience. 

Yet they would be coming against much better prepared armies of people they knew were much larger than them (Numbers 13:33).  

Not to mention that he was taking over from a man who had been their first, and greatest, leader. 

Those were huge sandals to fill. 

Given the circumstances of taking a people who had just finished an extended period of mourning to face a huge challenge against greater nations than theirs, we could quite understand how Joshua could be intimidated. 

Yet God’s words to him are to be strong and courageous. The source of that strength and courage – the map Joshua needed to traverse this great unknown terrain – is the Word of God. It’s the law as revealed to Moses. 

It’s no different for us. Each period of bereavement is uncharted territory for us. Our GPS apps are no use. Psychology and counselling books will only get us so far.  

But what will lead us through every time of mourning and bereavement is meditating on the Word of God. It is our map. It is our compass. It will make us strong and courageous. 

It will bring us victory and success, even from the jaws of painful defeat. 

So we have seen, then, that for Joshua there had to be a time to mourn and a time to draw strength from meditating on the Word of God. But there had to also be time to do the third thing: Move. 

A Time To Move 

Joshua 1:1-2 NIV 

[1] After the death of Moses the servant of the Lord, the Lord said to Joshua son of Nun, Moses’ aide: [2] “Moses my servant is dead. Now then, you and all these people, get ready to cross the Jordan River into the land I am about to give to them—to the Israelites.  

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/111/jos.1.1-2.NIV)

One of the main tourist attractions in the historic city of Edinburgh is quite an odd one at first glance. 

It’s a church graveyard. 

Greyfriars Kirk is the place where a legendary dog, Greyfriars Bobby, sat at his owner’s grave until death. Locals were so taken with his act of loyalty that they brought him food and water. He’s now immortalised in a small statue not far from the Kirk, as well as boards that tell his story. 

We view stories like that as symbols of great fidelity and love. And to a degree, they are. The British Queen Victoria, for example, wore black mourning clothes for forty years until her own demise after her husband, Prince Albert, died. 

But they can also be the sign of people who are stuck and cannot move on with their lives. 

I’m sure we’ve all heard of parents who lost their children, either to illness or violence, and who keep their rooms exactly as they were when they left. Or relatives who go to graveyard to ‘converse’ with the deceased.  

There is a detail about these verses that only struck me recently. 

Look at what it said right at the end of Deuteronomy: 

Deuteronomy 34:5-6 NIV 

[5] And Moses the servant of the Lord died there in Moab, as the Lord had said. [6] He buried him in Moab, in the valley opposite Beth Peor, but to this day no one knows where his grave is.  

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/111/deu.34.5-6.NIV)

Moses was a much beloved and revealed leader of Israel. Yet he had no grave. He had no shrine. He had no mausoleum. God buried him, but he didn’t tell anyone where. 

Why? 

Look what follows in Joshua: 

Joshua 1:1-2 NIV 

[1] After the death of Moses the servant of the Lord, the Lord said to Joshua son of Nun, Moses’ aide: [2] “Moses my servant is dead. Now then, you and all these people, get ready to cross the Jordan River into the land I am about to give to them—to the Israelites.  

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/111/jos.1.1-2.NIV)

God wanted the Israelites to move on with their lives and take the land He had promised them. Moses had no grave because if he had then the Israelites would have returned to it to mark his passing and would not have moved forward. 

Now, I understand that this is an emotive subject. My wife is from a Catholic-influenced culture that marks birthdays and death days for the deceased, and where All Souls Day is a much bigger thing than Halloween.  

I get it. I really do. 

But the point I am trying to make is that we are not supposed to be stuck when someone dies. We are supposed, when we are ready, to get on with our lives and seek all that God has for us. 

Yes, it’s devastatingly sad when someone dies. And we will miss them so much. 

But I doubt if they would want us to destroy our lives to commemorate theirs. Not if they loved us at all. 

I don’t believe it’s healthy to keep their room as it was when they died. After all, they’re not coming back there. 

Neither do I believe that it’s healthy to have a shrine to the dead. We should not worship them. Not just because they are dead, but because even when they alive, they were not God. 

What God said to Joshua may seem cold, in that He simply said to him, ‘Moses, my servant, is dead.’ 

But it was true. Absolutely true. 

And since Moses was dead, and they had mourned him, the time had now come to move on. 

They were not dishonouring his memory by doing so. In fact, they were carrying on his work. 

As I mentioned earlier, my dad took the brave decision to go against his family's regular pattern and be cremated. I appreciated his reasons why. Not only did he think hanging around a graveyard to talk to someone who was long gone was morose, he also thought it was pointless. After all, he told us that he wouldn’t be there anymore. It was just his shell. Less than a shell, in fact. It would not longer be him at all. And he would never be going back there. So what was the point? 

There was little point in keeping his room the way it was either. He wouldn’t be going back there either. 

But one day we will be with him in Heaven, because that's where he is. 

Once we have mourned someone, and meditated on Scripture to get us through it, the time will come to move on. When we do, a rich blessing will await. 

And we should not feel guilty about that. 

Even if it’s not easy at all. 

Conclusion 

Joshua 1:1-9 NIV 

[1] After the death of Moses the servant of the Lord, the Lord said to Joshua son of Nun, Moses’ aide: [2] “Moses my servant is dead. Now then, you and all these people, get ready to cross the Jordan River into the land I am about to give to them—to the Israelites. [3] I will give you every place where you set your foot, as I promised Moses. [4] Your territory will extend from the desert to Lebanon, and from the great river, the Euphrates—all the Hittite country—to the Mediterranean Sea in the west. [5] No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. [6] Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their ancestors to give them. [7] “Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. [8] Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. [9] Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” 

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/111/jos.1.1-9.NIV)

This summer my family and I are returning to a place where we have already gone four times. In fact, by the time we return home from our vacation, we will have been there six times. 

But we are not at all sorry. 

Of course, part of that comes from the fact that the place is Singapore. 

But part of it comes from what we are doing when we're there. 

We’ve seen the glittering skyscrapers, the stunning Bayfront, the beautiful Clark Quay. We’ve been to Universal Studios and Sentosa and the southern-most point of continental Asia. We’ve been through Changi Airport multiple times (and no, we don’t get sick of that either). 

This time we are going to new areas of this city state that we haven’t explored yet: Little India, Arab Street, Dhoby Gaut, Chinatown, the Peranakan Houses. This time we are exploring the ‘real Singapore’: the cultural and historical areas. It’s a different side to the place that we haven’t seen yet. We’re really looking forward to it. 

I have known those verses from Joshua 1 for a long time. I have learned on them for courage and inspiration more times than I could count. 

Yet as I planned these studies, I noticed for the first time their close connection to bereavement. 

Yes, they are about adventure and heading out to claim God’s promises and victory over impossible odds. That is all true. 

But it came off the back of a singularly devastating loss of a trusted and revered leader of a nation of one million people: a man who had come from less than nothing and seen God do utterly remarkable things. 

Moses was truly one of a kind: 

Deuteronomy 34:10-12 NIV 

[10] Since then, no prophet has risen in Israel like Moses, whom the Lord knew face to face, [11] who did all those signs and wonders the Lord sent him to do in Egypt—to Pharaoh and to all his officials and to his whole land. [12] For no one has ever shown the mighty power or performed the awesome deeds that Moses did in the sight of all Israel. 

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/111/deu.34.10-12.NIV)

No wonder his people mourned him. It was the right and fitting thing to do. 

But the time had to come for them to move on. It was then that God had to bring them to face the cold reality that Moses was dead, but they were still alive. Now was their chance to live – and not in Moses’ shadow. 

He told them to meditate on His Word as it was the only way they could navigate life. But they had to go. They could not stay where they were. 

There is another Bible character who made his greatest step of faith after a bereavement.

Maybe you didn’t notice this before either. 

His name was Abraham: 

Genesis 11:31-32 NIV 

[31] Terah took his son Abram, his grandson Lot son of Haran, and his daughter-in-law Sarai, the wife of his son Abram, and together they set out from Ur of the Chaldeans to go to Canaan. But when they came to Harran, they settled there. [32] Terah lived 205 years, and he died in Harran. 

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/111/gen.11.31-32.NIV)

Genesis 12:1-5 NIV 

[1] The Lord had said to Abram, “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you. [2] “I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. [3] I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you.” [4] So Abram went, as the Lord had told him; and Lot went with him. Abram was seventy-five years old when he set out from Harran. [5] He took his wife Sarai, his nephew Lot, all the possessions they had accumulated and the people they had acquired in Harran, and they set out for the land of Canaan, and they arrived there. 

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/111/gen.12.1-5.NIV)

Do you see it? Abraham’s great adventure really began when he was willing to move on after his father died and obey God’s call. 

Look too at Naomi: a woman who had endured the incredible sadness of losing her husband and both of her sons (Ruth 1:1-5) and returning home in real bitterness and disappointment (Ruth 1:19-21). 

But even then, God was in her sorrow. Her return home led to her daughter-in-law Ruth meeting Boaz, and the sacred line that birthed Jesus Christ being extended (Ruth 4). 

Look at Job, who lost everything, even his health, but did not turn from God (Job 1 and 2), but who gained way more than he lost (Job 42:12-14). 

There is a promise that my mother clung to the whole time we faced hardship: 

Joel 2:25 NIV 

[25] “I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten. 

(Read the full passage at: https://bible.com/bible/111/jol.2.25.NIV)

When we face bereavement, we may feel like our life has ended like that of the person we have lost. 

But it hasn’t. It’s just on pause for a while. 

And if we are ready one day, at our own pace, to move on with God, the deepest of blessings is waiting for us. 

Prayer 

Lord Jesus, You know how hard I find life right now. You know my pain. Give me the straight and the courage I need each day to face my painful loss. Lead my by Your Word through the darkness towards Your richest blessings, I pray. Amen. 

Questions for Contemplation 

• What happened before these famous words in Joshua? Why is this significant? 

• What did God tell Joshua to do to navigate through the painful loss? 

• What lay ahead of Joshua? How does this encourage you right now?